Like a Game of Chess

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With the house sold, Kal asked if he could move in with me and we can try to work on our relationship while living together. I told him that was not a good idea. That would be going back to square one. It had been 7 months since our separation. Nothing had changed. He had vehemently opposed attending counselling or consider anything I had proposed. How likely would it be for him to take those steps when we are back living together? I wondered.

Like a game of chess, I had to be strategic in separating from him; physically, emotionally and financially. I could not take my name off his accounts. The banks advised that as long as my name is on a loan it is considered marital property and we are both responsible. Kal and I could not agree on what to do about the proceeds from the sale of the house and the debts we had incurred due to his various business dealings and investments. I wanted them paid off, he did not. I consulted a lawyer who advised that the only way to ensure I am not on the hook for further debts once the debts are paid off was to get a legal separation agreement. He had also not given any financial support towards supporting the children in 7 months. The separation agreement would address that too or at least subsequent support payments. From this point on, I waited to hear from God before I made the next move. And I made each move trusting that I had heard from him.

Somehow, Kal had insisted that I pick up the cheque for the sale of the house from the lawyer’s office alone and he had given instructions that the lawyer release it to me. I went straight to the bank and paid off the loans. There was not very much left after all was paid off. Kal asked me to hold on to what was left. My lawyer also advised that since he had not paid child support, that money would probably be equal to or almost equal to what he would have been required to pay. It would at least cover 5 months payment. I had to be strategic in disentangling as Kal became very uncooperative and difficult. The lawyer needed Kal’s tax information to draw up the agreement. While contemplating on what to do as I know Kal would not voluntarily give it to me, the tax information that was mailed to him somehow got re-directed to my address. To me, that was the hand of God.

I should mention that Kal had agreed to me going to draw up a separation document. I had requested to have my name taken off certain things and he had not followed through. I told him I would have to draw up a separation agreement. He said go ahead, I will sign it. I had also now requested that he assist financially with the kids and he said when he has the money he’ll start assisting. Judging by his past behavior, I was convinced that I could not take his word for it or trust anything he says at all. And of course when the legal separation document was ready for Kal’s signature, he refused to sign it. His excuse was that I did not tell him that it would be drawn up by a lawyer and he was not ready to pay a dime to a lawyer. He was required to have a lawyer review the document and then sign it in the presence of a lawyer if it was satisfactory to him or challenge it, if it was unsatisfactory. His refusal to sign made me ask, what next…..