The Fall Out

As soon as Kal received the final divorce letter, all hell broke loose. I had purchased beds for our children. They had the beds we purchased as toddlers which they had long overgrown. I asked Kal to help pay for half, he told me to send him a copy of all the receipts. I did, he then turned around and said since he had not agreed to it and I had not informed him before making the purchases he will not assist and will not pay his half of that expense.

He also said hence forth any purchases for the children must first be vetted by him and if he is not in support of it, I am on my own if I chose to go ahead and purchase it. He also demanded receipts for any purchases I make for the children, whether he decides to help or not. Also as soon as the divorce became final, Kal informed me that he will only comply with the court ordered payments – basic child maintenance amount, health and sports fee.  Kal was awarded minimal payments based on the two years before the divorce when he did not do much for work and had a low income. One day he sent me the child support payment and copied our oldest child in the email, showing the breakdown of what he was sending. I emailed him back copying both of our sons and his best friend and confidant, the one who had been advocating for him. (Not my finest moment -I admit. I probably should not have responded or copied our children or the friend but several attempts to let Kal see the reason why he should not involve our children in our issues had fallen on deaf ears). The friend was shocked that Kal would do that and promised to phone him. His friend did not believe me at first until he saw the email. In my response to him, I had told him to stop involving the children in adult matters and that that was manipulative and abusive. I knew he was not going to be amenable going forward so I went ahead and registered with the child maintenance enforcement program so that all financial exchanges would go through them and I would not have to deal with him on a monthly basis. To this day, I have only been able to collect the basic maintenance as the child maintenance program said the court order was not specific enough and they cannot collect payment on anything else.

Prior to the divorce being final, Kal did not give anything towards the support of the children for 7 months until I went ahead and had a lawyer draw up a Legal Separation agreement, which Kal refused to sign and which prompted me to file for divorce. When he eventually started paying child support, it was a nightmare. He would ask me to send him a break down one week before the end of the month, I would and then I would not hear from him.  Sometimes he decided to pay on the first of the month, sometimes not. No explanation, no acknowledgement or anything. That left me anxious every month. Registering with the child maintenance enforcement program meant I got less child support but it gave me peace of mind….