Happily Ever or Never After?

Kal and I pretty much carried on with our separate lives from that point on.  He was working out of town and would come to town every few months for a short period of time. He would see the children at that time. He continued to put pressure on the children and ask them to “talk to their mother. Tell her to come back so our family can be together again. Everyone has spoken to her and she is not listening. Your mother is the one destroying this family”. He would also say disrespectful things about my parents to their grandchildren. But through it all, the children knew better and could see through him. I spoke with my lawyer to see what could be done to stop him from saying things to the kids, involving them in our issues and to stop him from being emotionally abusive towards them. My lawyer advised that I might just have to grin and bear it when he is around as there are no laws protecting against that.

Kal made half-hearted attempts to contact me, to speak with me by phone. Each time, he would end up threatening me or we would end up arguing. I would work away from our hour long conversations feeling very small and unsure of my decisions. Eventually, I limited our contacts to email and texts only and our conversations to just anything involving the children. It was hard to go “no-contact” but completely limiting contact was one of the best things I could have done. It was only then that I began to detach emotionally, move forward and began to heal.

Fast forward to the present time, 3 ½ years later, I got the news from a cousin of his that he had re-married. No prior warning given to the children. By the time we heard, One week later he still had not told the children. Thus began another journey. Finally accepting that this man is a narcissist, incapable of showing compassion to others, lacking remorse and definitely not considerate of how his actions can impact others – such as his children. Of course, I was pained. I had to grieve what was and what could have been, but I was not grieving him – no, not at all.

With his new marriage, I have some closure. Especially seeing that she was “one of them”. She belongs to the religion he practices and dresses like them. It seemed like the whole thing was a set up.  He wanted me gone so he would marry a subservient wife. He did not want to do the dirty work himself but decided that he would be mean to me and when I got tired I would leave and then he replaced me with the type of wife he wanted. I can now put that aspect of my life to rest. I can put him to rest in my mind. With that I will no longer write about the divorce but will be moving on to lessons I have learnt through all of this. And how through it all God continues to be faithful. I will also write about the synchronous events that happened along the way and continue to share about this new journey; the new chapter just beginning in my life.

If you want to know about the psychology involved in a relationship like mine, check out “It’s all about Power and Control” by Norman Quantz.